The Distressing and The Fabulous

Things I Find Truly Distressing

There is a large spider loose in my desk area.

My dog’s incontinence; he wears a diaper belt.

His poo is another issue.

He smells again so quickly after giving him a bath.

There is not enough room in the National Parks for everyone who wants to visit.

That my daughter got an aurora borealis alert on her phone, but her car was in the shop so she couldn’t drive out to see it.

Chocolate chip cookies have so many calories.

I can’t bake a decent chocolate chip cookie to save my life.

Raspberries can look great in the container but actually be mushy.

Updates always make my phone or computer worse.

I still really don’t know how to use my ipad.

As I’ve aged, I now fart like my dad.  And I begged God for this not to be.

I’ll probably never learn to ride a motorcycle or hang glide – it’s just no longer wise.

I am now so careful in the shower and on the stairs. 

My CPAP machine is so very un-sexy.

My life is half over; I’m getting old.

We planted forsythia too close to the road. It blocks the view of traffic, but is too big to move.

I’m out of wall space to hang pictures.

I get my piano tuned, but never play it. 

Pants with fringe instead of hems. Really, I’m too old for grunge. And not at these prices.

That so few shoes come in 12N. 

That those that do come in 12N are almost always stodgy and not cute.

That my feet only fit in men’s socks and those are not at all cute.

That weeds grow in gardens, and we can’t blame them for being weeds.

Cut peonies wilt and die so quickly.

Neil Peart died and there is no more RUSH.

Same with Johnny Cash.

The state of politics in America.

Putin’s shirtless calendars.

Putin.

Things that are Truly Fabulous

My dog loves and worships me.

The hole in the ozone is self-healing.

Flowers bloom in the spring.

My irises keep doubling every year.

The sounds of rain and a good thunderstorm.

National Parks.

Donuts are mostly air; you can eat more than one and not be full

You can make chocolate cake out of zucchini and call it healthy

We can get great strawberries and raspberries even in the depths of winter (Driscoll’s, at Big Y).

I’m at a stage in life where no one expects me to sit on the floor.

I know exactly how clean (or dirty) my house can be when having guests. Heaven forbid I clean unnecessarily.

My dining room is not open, but has walls, and I can use it as a dumping ground.

I can swim at a nice indoor pool where people don’t judge me – even naked in the locker room.

I only ever had two hot flashes and then I was done.

Decadent naps.

My kids think I’m both wise and hilarious.  And they share my exploits with their friends.

I made my children become proficient in cursive, and they thank me for it.

That cows moo.

Fat Bear Week exists.  Still Team Otis.

There are so many good books in the world.

My carved cow skull I bought in Montana.

Montana.

That leggings are socially acceptable.

Sweaters are warm and cozy.

We mostly take off our shoes when we go in someone’s house; as a kid we never did that.

My mother made me take piano lessons.

My parents died peacefully, pre-Covid.

I have a sister and we love each other and laugh together.

Good friends.

Good music.

Bruce Springsteen’s music never gets old.

Kermit the Frog is and always will be a bona fide celebrity.