When the German National Soccer Team Exceeds our Expectations

In our town, the fourth graders do a whole semester on Ellis Island immigration.  They are given a character, write dairies, read stories, and it concludes with a big reenactment with kids in costume and the parents helping out.  And the kids with the best diaries get to read excerpts for the school assembly.

When the kids wrote their diaries, they got extra credit if they used a quote from the foreign language of the character they were playing.  My daughter was supposedly a German immigrant, and wanted to write the very best diary, including a quote. So very conscientious. I told her how to Google some phrases, what to look for, etc.

Well, my dear little daughter ended up on the website for the German National Soccer Team, which had a variety of very helpful phrases.  My poor naïve daughter, she had no idea that I was about to fully exploit of the situation.

Her character was supposed to be seasick.  So she came across a quote that had to do with lying on the floor, sick.  Actually, the pertinent and helpful quote from the soccer team was, “You’re not drunk so long as you can still hold onto the floor.” In her little mind, it was perfect for a seasick passenger.  I, of course, did not offer further explanation about drunkenness, which she knew nothing about, and told her that it was a great quote and she should use it.  I just wanted to see how the teacher would react. C’mon. It’s hilarious.

Now, we had a terrible year with this teacher and did not like her one bit.  She allowed bullying in the classroom, had a brittle personality, and was incompletely incapable of adjusting to sensitive children, and she was horrible to work with. It was just not a good fit. I was glad to throw anything I could at her, plus it was the end of the year. Poor woman. I felt I was being humorous, but not malicious. Maybe a little malicious. I know, I am a bad person. (And my apologies to all you teachers; I know you face difficult challenges. This was just one very bad year for us.)

So, she turned in the diary and the teacher either didn’t read it or didn’t catch it. My daughter then read it in front of the class, and clearly the teacher was not paying attention because again, she didn’t catch it. Finally, she was chosen to read hers aloud at the all-school assembly, plus parents, with an ethnic food buffet, etc. (She remembers that we made German chocolate cake.)  Anyway, she did have to clear her reading selection with the teacher, who finally caught it and make her pick another section.

I truly wish the teacher hadn’t finally caught it, and that my daughter had read it to everyone. I’m sure the other parents would either have loved it or been outraged.  I would have liked to see that; I’m just like that.

(The principal and I also had a contentious relationship. I actually caught him in a lie he told to a teacher about my child. Mamma bear was not happy. He would have been outraged by the quote.  But this was also a man who actually had fake money printed up with his picture on it to (supposedly) inspire the kids to do well on the standardized tests.  He was an ass.)

I never had any follow-up with the teacher about it, and hope she at least thought it was a little funny, but probably not.  In talking to my daughter now, she says I was clearly waging psychological warfare on her teacher.  Guilty as charged.

However, a few years later I was talking with a friend.  This dear and beloved friend had a young son with cancer. It obviously was a long and horrifically difficult journey.  My friend and I are both Christians, and so we talked a lot about things spiritual, as well as all the feelings that go along with suffering and seeing your child suffer. The depression and everything else.

One day we were driving in the car together and she told me that things were so awful that she felt like she was flat-out on the floor and couldn’t get up.  You see where this is going. 

This is a friendship where we can say anything to each other, and we both get it and are never offended.  So I told her that story about the great inspirational German soccer team and our use of their quote.  And then I said, “Beloved, my dear friend, being on the floor is not a bad thing, because there is nowhere further down you can go.  But know that Jesus is right there with you on the floor.  You are not alone; he is holding you in his arms, caring for you and loving you and weeping with you.” She said it actually helped.

I will say that I am sick and tired of the American/Christian theme of “Victory in Jesus,” and, “All things work together for good,” and, “Well have you tried praying like this?” As if turning scripture into platitudes makes everything okay. The first two are absolutely true, but friends, that is in eternity. 

Sometimes there is no relief in this life, and the pain and suffering and grief continue, with no sense to it.  But Jesus is there with you, and he suffers with you because of course your beloved child is even more so His beloved child.  Jesus carries us and holds us; He loves us and we continue to walk in His ways as best we can.  But the real healing and relief come in eternity, when we are made whole and new and fully who He designed us to be. And then the tears will be wiped away from our eyes by God Himself.

And when your kid is sick, people come out of the woodwork with ridiculous, ludicrous “advice,” which is effectively either blaming the mom (If you just prayed better you child would be healed!) or trying to sell you some MLM shake that supposedly cures everything. It’s horrendous. People have expectations of you when your child is suffering, as if you are supposed to accept every bit of drivel and comfort them.

Now obviously this is a very small minority of people; overwhelmingly people are loving and kind and helpful. They bring meals, clean your house for you, raise money for you . . . anything that can be done in a situation where hope can be fleeting. Often the best thing is just to listen and cry with them in the midst of the suffering. Our church and the larger community were tremendous in caring and supporting beyond what anyone could expect.  But there were those few . . .

I have experienced many years with a daughter who suffered chronic, intractable migraine.  The pain and suffering were deep and seemed never-ending. Suffering, and watching your beloved child suffer, is just unspeakable.  Both she and I read a variety of books, particularly Christian books, on suffering.  Most were theologically sound, but completely useless as far as meeting a person’s needs in the midst of suffering. 

But then my daughter’s friend, who was in seminary, came across a book entitled, This Too Shall Last: Finding Grace When Suffering Lingers, by K.J. Ramsey. It was the kind of book that met both her needs and my needs on the deepest level. She felt seen. She was not alone in ongoing suffering, with no end in sight. There was comfort. There was a way forward spiritually.

Sometimes, even as the most faithful Christians, there are times when we are bone dry and empty.  We can’t pray and need others to pray for us.  We try to read scripture and it bounces off, or grates like sandpaper. We are numb with suffering, and yet our hearts are bleeding, hemorrhaging even. This is not being a bad Christian; this is being human.  It is the human condition.  And in the midst of this, God is caring for us in ways we can’t begin to see. He’s what keeps us breathing. There is mercy in the midst of all of this.

My daughter and I sobbed as we each read through this book.  It spoke to our deepest needs.  So if you or someone you know is deeply suffering and it’s going on and on, I encourage you to take a look. Ten bucks on Amazon.

And whether you are drunk or suffering through something far more awful, hang onto the floor. It’s not a bad place when you need it, and you are not alone.

Photo: my daughter as a (rich) German immigrant, wearing my grandmother's wedding dress, my great-aunt's stole, fake pearls and a ridiculous hat!